Upon awakening from this slumber, upon rolling into the desert wrapped in two tons of metal.
Some time in between my sickness and what I’ve come to call the cure, there was fear. During this time there was anguish. A nauseating pain witnessed by two vultures perched on doom’s shoulder. Far past resentment, into a pitiful world of hate, I found myself dissipating into nothing.
Upon acknowledging my sins, short-comings, and the pain that I had caused, there was a sense of understanding. Upon a breakdown just short of the end of my life, there was a bottom. Weakness is only a lack of self-will. I will no longer find myself subject to my mind’s will, as it has deceived me in the past. It has led me to alleyways I wish I could forget as well as to choices I will forever regret.
A whisper of love, tempting and luscious, leaves you broken and bloody. An essence of self-worth crushed by the very thing you wanted the most all your life. How does it feel to realize you’ve been chasing death all along? Do you feel alone?
I feel like a pig being roasted over a fire. Slaughtered for my meat and displayed in my original form, my flesh is searing. Stop stealing my heart; quit crushing my hope. Discontinue this madness that has drowned everything we’ve ever known in kerosene. This insanity that has enveloped our minds and souls is heavier than the earth, and it is destroying me with each passing second.
They say alcohol is the catalyst. They’re wrong. I am the catalyst. As long as there is a breath left in my body, I will love you. Whether or not I’m inhaling a gallon of sweet poison every day my heart will still throb and ache with the distance between you and I. Whether or not I am able to stand or speak my mind will still only contain the image of your face, of our life together, of not dying alone.
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